"It’s just unfortunate cuz I always thought you were pretty rad and on point for the most part, but the fact that you really aren’t open to actually discussing things is mad disappointing.
Which is to say, that I was actually looking forward to hearing your ideas about what I was saying, rather than just deleting and pretending it didn’t happen. Like I said, I do really appreciate your opinions and it’s just a let down that you chose to take that route instead.”
Here’s what you’re not going to do:
You’re not going to come into my space and dictate to me, after hurling a bunch of insults first (and trying to couch them between faux heartfelt compliments), what direction, tone, and tenor conversations and discussions are going to take.
Right after I warned EVERYONE to stay on topic or they would be banned, you came in and derailed the conversation—almost like you read what I wrote and felt like you had the right to ignore it. So your surprise at being banned is completely lost on me.
The topic at hand was light-skinned privilege and how dismantle it. You and several other people wanted to talk about how light-skinned black people are oppressed. You know what that is? Another way for light-skinned black people to assert their privilege in a space they were EXPLICITLY warned that the subject wasn’t going to turn into a space for the other oppressions light-skinned black people face. We already HAD The Ways in Which Light-skinned Black People Face Oppression discussion last week. This particular topic wasn’t about that and I wasn’t about to let it be about that. Because letting it BE about that last time led NOWHERE. Light Skin Privilege remained un-interrogated because we were all so busy trying to be precious with light skinned black people’s feelings. Enough of that. Enough.
And you know what? You’re right: I once equated homophobia to rape. And you know what else? I WAS COMPLETELY CHECKED ON THAT by a group of VERY smart women who POINTED OUT HOW MY MALE PRIVILEGE and PATRIARCHAL INFECTION clouded by point of view and my judgment. So you know what I did? I apologized. No excuses: I was DEAD WRONG and I admitted it. And I will never, EVER do it again. The apology in case you think I’m lying: http://sonofbaldwin.tumblr.com/post/24006489098/son-of-baldwin-called-out-on-my-bullshit
Because the PROPER way of being an ally is to just admit when you’re wrong, admit to your privileges, and let those who DON’T have that privilege to have their say. The key is shutting the fuck up and LISTENING. The WRONG way to be an ally is to INSIST that the person without privileges do things YOUR way and then get butt hurt when they don’t and RETALIATE by attacking their integrity, intelligence, and sincerity.
You know what else is “mad disappointing”? All you light-skinned black people who don’t think the rules apply to you, who don’t want your privileges checked, who can’t have a single conversation about light skin privilege without saying “Yeah, but in this other area, I’m oppressed!” It’s a distraction. It’s a derailment. It’s so fucking narcissistic. And it’s SO much like white people with white privilege who think white privilege disappears because they’re a woman or queer or disabled or poor. And that it’s SO much like white privilege isn’t surprising since that’s PRECISELY what’s at the root of light skin privilege.
You should also know that I’m not here to live up to your expectations of me. Not now, not ever. In conversations about privilege, the group who is being denied privileges has the moral authority. So I will silence male privilege deniers in conversations about women’s right, heterosexual and cisgender privilege deniers in conversations about queer rights, white privilege deniers in conversations about rights for people of color, AND light skin privilege deniers in conversations about how dark skinned black people are relegated to the bottom of the barrel. AND, in my view, people who enter a conversation with “But, but, but, in this other way I’m oppressed” are doing NOTHING except trying to deflect criticism and prevent interrogation of the privileges they enjoy. It’s a ploy to maintain the status quo. It’s a tactic to silence critical discussion.
We can CERTAINLY have discussions about the intersections and complexities of oppressions and privileges. But the thread you contributed to WASN’T one of those discussions. And all your hurt feelings about it doesn’t change that fact. This was never about my ego, but about your inability to follow instructions and your unwillingness to be a proper ally.
P.S. Cyber-stalking me in my various forums will only lead to you being banned in each of those forums.
P.P.S. Reblogging one of my great errors over and over as some kind of proof as to what kind of person I am (while conveniently ignoring my admission and apology) is, I’m sure, intended to make me look bad. But really? It only makes you look bad. And immature.